A little theory of mine...

You know, I have always had this theory.  For as long as I can remember, I have believed in soulmates.  I have always believed that there is one person in the world that you are meant to be with.  Now, you can meet someone else, and live a relatively happy life, but there is only one person out there that completes you.  One person that makes your life...MORE...than it was before you met.  But something happened that really messed that theory up for me.  I met two men that I believe with all of my heart are meant to be a part of my life. 

I met R when I was a freshman in high school (1993 we met, but we lost contact in 1994), and from the day I met him I believed we were meant to be together.  I still do, and I made a committment to him about four years ago.  Right now it is a long distance relationship, but we talk, and write, and see each other.  Hopefully we will be really together next year. 

I met Jason in 2001. He was the first man I seriously dated, the first man I slept with, the first man I lived with, and the first man I loved...  R had been back in my life as a long distance friend (dating someone else) for a year or so.  At the time, I cared about R, but I loved Jason.  He and I lived together for about six months, and were together for a year.  Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out the way you plan.  Jason developed a drug problem and that is where our relationship ended.  (Obviously there is more to it than that, but I would hate to bore you!  lol!)  He went to prison for two years.  Four days before he was due to go, I saw him.  I hadn't seen him for months before, and just the sight of him made me want to cry.  Okay, there is a lot of story here, but to make a long story short, R and I broke up around the same time that Jason got out of jail and he and I kind of got back together.  But he just wanted it to be a casual thing, and I wanted commitment, so I went back to R.  Then Jason decided at the end of January that he really wanted to give us a shot and he wanted to commit, but I chose to stay with R.  That was a really hard decision for me to make, because for the entire time I had known Jason, all I had wanted was to hear him say that he wanted to be with me.  All I have ever wanted from him was committment, and here he was, offering it to me on a silver platter, and I turned him down.  That was in January of this year.  That was the last time I talked to him.  He was in a wreck on March 21, 2007, and was killed.  His is the sudden death that I mentioned in my last entry.

Okay, now I have to get back to work, but there is a shortened version of a complicated story.